I am a believer. I believe there is a thing called, Love. The kind of love you see in movies and hear about in songs. The kind of love that overtakes your body and mind and soul. That disgusting kind of love that makes people on the outside cringe at your happiness. That love when everything is in slow motion with a great song playing in the background that leads to happily ever after. A love that consumes you and makes you become a pirate to travel across seas, climb the cliffs of insanity, battle a Spaniard in a sword fight, wrestle a giant and win in a battle of wits by developing an immunity to iocane powder… all in the name of love.

Maybe I’m not really a believer… maybe I’m a dreamer because it’s only real in fairytales and doesn’t exist at all (The divorce rate in America stands at 41% average and goes up demographically to 75% among surgeons and police officers). Every time I’ve thought I was in love I reached out and realized I was holding on to nothing at all and then I’m left wondering… why didn’t I see it before? Was I wishing so bad for this kind of love that I made myself think it was real? Have I really become one of those dumb girls? It was my mistake for setting myself up for failure when in actuality… he didn’t love you that way. Will my real Wesley ever come for me? Will he know where to find me? (My apartment is right on Pine in the LBC). What if I’m left waiting forever and I never get my happily ever after? What if I never get to ride off in the sunset on a white horse with my prince… and our Spaniard and giant by our sides?

And what if love finds me and I’m too afraid now to take it. What if Wesley appears before me as the Dread Pirate Roberts and I’ve been spoken for by Prince Humperdink. And now I am too dumb and blind to see true love staring right at me… fighting for me… battling rodents of unusual size, facing torture in the pits of despair… and I’m just too dumb to even know what love really is. Will I ever be able to get away from this fear of hurt and pain to take a leap of faith and hope that he doesn’t let me fall? How do you let someone take your heart and trust that they won’t break it when you already know what it can feel like? How do you ever find that courage again?

I’m sure the wicked witch of the west was once just a nice girl who just had her heart broken one too many times. I mean… a girl can only take so much heartache before she becomes evil. Misery wants company so she can be my friend. We can go shopping and be bitter against the world and lash out at happy people because they are happy and we are not. I’ve always thought green looked good on me.

“True Love has never been a snap” – The Princess Bride.